Traffic Rant from a Torontonian

Dear Toronto Road Repair People,

Thank you so much for creating gridlock here in Toronto, it’s so much fun sitting in bumper to bumper traffic. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had so much fun in my car.

Thanks for adding at least an hour to any trip I insanely choose to take my vehicle into the city for whatever reason.  I do try to TTC it but sometimes that just doesn’t work, like when I have to haul eighteen bags of groceries for work.

Kudos to the person, persons, or committee who decided to fix every road in Toronto at the same time; whoa, that was a stroke of genius.

Thanks for producing all those angry drivers who have been reduced to forgetting to signal when changing lanes.

Thanks for the drivers who are honking madly at the car in front of them who has inadvertently stopped for one of our famous jaywalking pedestrians who has a death wish as they cross Dundas Street in rush hour.

Thanks for that frustrated woman who gave me the finger today because I wouldn’t let her cut in front of me because there was yet another crazy pedestrian walking in front of my car in the middle of Yonge Street during a light change.

Thank you for messing up the sidewalks so badly that people in motorized wheelchairs have to join the insane flocks of drivers on the roads that are reduced to one lane. Maybe you could provide them with free reflective clothing.

I know the roads needed fixing. The Pan Am Games are coming and Heaven forbid visitors to our fair city get the wrong impression about the state of our asphalt. I mean you’re right, who cares what our tourists are thinking right now; we’ve got bigger and better fish to impress in 2015.

Thanks for also fixing the tracks for the streetcars at the same time. You must have thought, “Oh, well everything is so screwed up right now, so why not?” It’s that short pain for major gain sort of thinking that so endears you to all of our collective hearts.

I have a couple of ideas, that are probably too late to instigate, but…..maybe get everyone who is building something in town together for a meeting and plan out which routes could be done at another time, or more specifically not at the same time. Or, here’s a good one, maybe you should have thought about this five years ago and started work then. If you are going to counter this point with the roads wouldn’t last that long I suggest you hire better engineers and asphalt makers, or take a page from the Romans – their roads are still in great shape.

Peace, love, fibre and I’d love to tell you where you can stick those bright orange cones,

Mairlyn